


Between U & Me

by ZankieForLifeBaby



Category: Big Brother RPF
Genre: Future Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-23
Updated: 2016-12-27
Packaged: 2018-04-27 18:21:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5059165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZankieForLifeBaby/pseuds/ZankieForLifeBaby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set in Winter 2026.<br/>"The distance between me and happiness is the distance between you and me." -unknown</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Zach squinted in the light pouring through the window. The rest of the world was just waking up, the sun hanging low in the horizon, vibrant oranges, dusky pinks, and every shade in between painting the sky in the brief second he’d glimpsed it. Now there was a shining orange behind his eyelids, taunting him with the light of day. Zach groaned quietly, turning away from the window, rotating his back to the sun. The colors behind his eyelids slowly faded to black again as Zach relaxed into his pillow, the warmth of his blankets seeping back into his bones as he pulled them up to his neck again. Zach scooted towards the center of the bed, seeking the usual source of warmth there. He blinked his eyes open as the sheets got cooler, the room dimly lit. There was nothing in front of him.

Zach's hand dropped onto the other side of the bed, the pillow had a divot, the blankets were askew. The mattress was cool, the sheets without a trace of the body heat that should be there. Zach wondered briefly before he could hear water running over his shoulder. The shower was on, the soft patter of water raining down echoing through the cracked bathroom door. Zach smirked to himself. It was Friday. It might be early, but they had all day today. Finally, it was day with nothing but time for them. He’d been planning it for a month and it was finally here. Zach stretched in the bed, his muscles protesting their use until they warmed and loosened up as he moved. Zach still hated to leave the warmth of the bed, but he did, his feet chilled as soon as they slid out from under the blankets. It was January in New York City after all, of course it was cold.

Zach took the few steps required to cross from the bed to the bathroom, eager for the warmth of the shower, the falling water promising more than he could put into words. Zach slipped into the bathroom, firmly shutting the door behind him. There was steam building in the shower, the edges of the mirror fogged up. Zach looked through the glass wall of the shower, making out the silhouette of his hot husband through the steam. He seriously would never get tired of that view. Zach’s thumbs hooked into his briefs, ready to strip and jump into the shower when the water turned off. Zach froze, his eyes slipping up to lock on the familiar brown ones on the other side of the glass.

Frankie smiled a crooked smile as he opened the door, a blast of steam following him as he stepped out, reaching for the brightly colored pink towel nearby. Frankie quickly towel dried his hair, letting it fall naturally as he wrapped the towel around his waist. Frankie leaned over to Zach, his lips pressing to Zach’s in a brief second. Zach smiled involuntarily. “I was going to join you,” Zach mumbled, as if that wasn’t already obvious to Frankie.

Frankie glanced at Zach through the mirror, smiling softly, “I know. I’m sorry. I can’t. Something came up and I have to go into work,” Frankie explained. His face looked apologetic, but he kept moving, brushing his hair, gathering his blow drier and moisturizer as he started his daily routine. Zach knew the routine. He used to watch Frankie get ready when they’d first moved in together. Zach hadn’t been working very much then. He had gotten enough gigs that he was making enough money to barely cover half of their rent, but he still wasn’t working regularly. So, he’d occupied his time with Frankie. It had worked out well in the end. They were engaged after six months of living together and married a year after that. Their relationship had been far from easy for years, but now, even if it wasn’t simple, it was predictable. 

Zach didn’t realize that he hadn’t moved in a minute, just staring in the mirror until Frankie said his name. Zach shook his head a little, pulling himself out of his own head. “Can you make coffee?” Frankie asked. Zach nodded, his feet already shuffling away from Frankie before Frankie grabbed Zach’s hand, stopping his movement momentarily as Frankie kissed him again. “Thank you baby. You’re the best,” Frankie added. Zach just nodded as he turned to leave the bathroom. Frankie’s body was shining in the light, the water droplets clinging to his skin reflecting the light. Zach couldn’t help but notice that even though he’d intended to join in the shower, no part of his body had gathered a single drop of water, except his hand. Zach wiped his damp hand on the hand towel nearest him as he walked out. 

When he made it back to the bedroom, Zach grabbed a pair of pajama pants from the dresser, sliding them up over his hips as he grabbed Frankie’s tank top from the chair by the bed. He slid it on without a second thought as he crossed the bedroom on his way to the kitchen. The cool uncarpeted floors in the hall and kitchen were unwelcome, a stark contrast to how he’d intended to start his morning. Zach couldn’t find it in himself to be truly angry about the change in plans for the day. That was part of the deal. Frankie was successful. He was beyond successful and Zach sometimes had to give a little, or a lot, for Frankie to continue his dream. 

Frankie had spent a few years on TV as a host, judge, an occasionally acting or singing. In the end though, as Frankie and Zach settled down and looked for a more stable life, Frankie had declared he missed Broadway and that his heart truly lived in New York City. So, they’d packed up the life they’d built up in Los Angeles and moved out to New York City. They picked out a new apartment together—a place meant for them. Zach had to admit one thing about the move, even if he hated the cold, he loved that Frankie ended every day slipping into bed with Zach. Stability was nice. Maybe a little more boring, but it was nice.

Zach quickly got the coffee started, pulling out Frankie’s travel mug and his usual lumpy and misshapen mug. It was painted blue with a hot pink handle. Across the front in large, clumsy penmanship read the words “#1 Dads” in hot pink. Zach couldn’t help but smile at the mug each and every time, smirking slightly at the large influence Ariana had had on the color scheme. Right on cue, he heard a door shut and soft padding of small feet as they made their way to the kitchen. Zach turned to be greeted by a mess of wild brown curls, accompanied by a toothy grin, one of the center teeth on the bottom recently missing. 

“Daddy, what are you going to make for breakfast?” Emery asked, trying to brush the hair out of her eyes so she could see better. Her Sleeping Beauty nightgown dwarfed her tiny body as she stood in the middle of the kitchen. She’d insisted on the nightgown. It was at least one size too big, but they didn’t have her size at the store. While Frankie was obsessed with Maleficent, Emery had, of course, chosen to go the _Sleeping Beauty_ route. Zach was only slightly disgruntled that she’d gone with Frankie’s favorite movie over his own. He briefly tried to buy her _Mulan_ toys, but she always passed them over for the pretty, brightly colored dresses Aurora wore.

Zach dropped to a crouching position, reaching out to pull Emery closer, his arms wrapping around her small frame and lifting her into the air. “What do you want?” Zach asked, setting her on the edge of the island in the kitchen. She closed her eyes thoughtfully, tapping her finger on her chin in imitation of Frankie’s thinking face before she smiled again.

“Pancakes!” she cheered. Zach couldn’t help but smile. She really was his daughter after all. 

“You got it Emie,” Zach approved, nodding succinctly as he poured his cup of coffee, adding plenty of milk and sugar before it reached a level he deemed acceptable to drink. Zach kissed the top of Emery’s head before he set her back on the ground. “Go watch TV. I’ll tell you when they’re ready,” he told her. She kissed Zach’s cheek before she headed into the next room, operating the complicated remote better than Zach could to get the TV tuned to cartoons.

Emery was five. She was smart, witty, beautiful, and precocious as hell. She was basically everything Zach could have ever hoped a mixture of him and Frankie could turn out to be. They’d been married for a year before they decided it was time to add a child to the mix. Frankie had always wanted children and when Zach approached thirty, he could feel the desire too. It was perfect timing. So, they’d found a surrogate and they’d been incredibly fortunate to have a friend donate eggs for them. Frankie insisted the child be Zach’s biologically. Frankie worried that his child would inherit some of his medical problems. Zach protested, but in the end he gave in to Frankie. 

Zach got to work making pancakes for everyone. He’d just got the batter put together when Frankie emerged, already dressed to brave the cold New York weather with a scarf over his sweater and a pair of jeans. Emery smiled brightly at Frankie, running to greet him as he emerged. Frankie lifted her up, hugging her tight. “Good morning my little love bug! Are you ready to spend a whole day with Aunt Ari?” Frankie asked.

Emie's smile lit up again as she nodded frantically. “Aunt Ari and I are going shopping!” she declared. Frankie smiled widely, looking up to wink at Zach.

“Oh, is that right? What are you going to buy?” Frankie continued to question as he dropped Emery back onto the sofa.

“Everything!” Em declared, her arms wide as her eyes sparkled with possibilities. 

Frankie chuckled as he made his way into the kitchen, “I think we let Ari spoil her too much,” Frankie whispered as he passed by Zach, grabbing his travel mug from the counter and filling it with coffee.

“Hey, she’s your sister, not mine,” Zach replied, shrugging in response. Frankie rolled his eyes, pressing his lips to Zach’s cheek. 

“Thanks for the coffee love. I can’t stay for breakfast. Tyler really needs me down at the theater. Apparently a set piece is broken and both of the leads are sick. The understudies are new and haven’t filled in before. It’s just chaos down there apparently. I’m sorry,” Frankie explained. Zach nodded resolutely. He was used to this. Really, he was. He tried to ignore the sting in his heart as he told Frankie that he understood and that it was okay. Frankie suggested Zach spend the day with Ari and Emie since Frankie couldn’t spend the day with him. Zach shrugged noncommittally, telling Frankie he’d consider it.

“I’m really sorry baby. I love you. I’ll be back in time to get ready for dinner. I promise,” Frankie whispered against Zach’s cheek as his arms dropped around Zach’s waist, pulling him close. Zach blushed a little as Frankie’s fingers danced over the skin on the small of Zach’s back. 

“You better be,” Zach countered, his face already in a goofy grin.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world. Seven years, my love, seven years,” Frankie murmured, his hand grabbing Zach’s left hand, rubbing over the plain platinum band on his ring finger. Frankie’s lips brushed against Zach’s cheek again as he grabbed his coffee mug, heading for the door at a hurried pace. He stopped to kiss the top of Emery’s head before he had his jacket on and was out the door. 

“Seven years,” Zach murmured to himself, returning to the pancake that was sizzling on the stove, turning it over quickly. It was almost burned, but probably salvageable. Zach couldn’t help but feel his heart drop as Frankie left, the images of the perfect day he’d planned gone in less than thirty minutes. Zach resolved not to let his disappointment show. Frankie had a job to do. Zach had agreed to this. It had been four years since Zach quit his job. Frankie was making more money. They’d had a one year old daughter who was being raised by a nanny because they both worked long hours. Zach wasn’t really opposed to the idea of being a stay at home dad, but it was harder than he’d expected and Frankie was gone so much. He loved his daughter dearly and he only missed work some of the time, but he missed his husband far more often than he wanted to.


	2. Chapter 2

Zach knelt on the ground by the front door, a small pink boot in his hand as Emery stepped into it, her hands on Zach’s shoulders for balance. Zach pulled the zipper up before grabbing the other boot. Emery stepped in, leaning down to do the zipper herself. Zach grabbed her coat and held it out as she turned to put her arms through the holes. Once the coat was on, Zach pulled it closed in the front. Emery started pushing the buttons through the holes and Zach stayed crouched, watching, helping her when she got a button in the wrong hole. Zach had spent the morning moping around, trying to hide his feelings from Emery, but his mind kept wandering to Frankie and what he was doing instead of celebrating their anniversary. Emery watched as Zach fastened the last button, the one that was just a little too far down for her to reach easily. “Daddy, why do you have your sad face on?” Emie asked. 

Zach smiled brightly, rubbing his nose against Emery’s. “No, silly, I was just concentrating. I’m not sad,” Zach replied, his eyes focused on her forehead instead of returning her gaze. 

Emery just leaned forward to wrap her arm’s around Zach’s neck and kiss his cheek. “I love you Daddy,” Em added before Zach was twirling her in the air. Her giggle filled the room and Zach felt like his heart was a little lighter. Zach couldn’t help but smile widely. She was beyond inquisitive and insightful. It was a little scary. She could read him almost as well as Frankie and that did not bode well for the future. 

Zach pulled his own coat off the hook as he set Emery back on the floor. Zach whispered, “Go say bye to Jack, he’ll miss you. You won’t see him again until tomorrow.” Jack was about two years old, a playful labradoodle that Frankie had adopted for Zach after Tiger passed. Zach hadn’t handled the loss well and although Frankie tried to cheer him up, nothing was working. Frankie had contacted the local rescue shelters until he found the perfect dog. Jack was black with white spots and just a few months old. Frankie named him Jack, a pumpkin shaped name tag hanging from his collar when Frankie brought Jack to their annual Halloween party. It didn’t take long for Zach to become attached. Three year old Emery had taken to him just as quickly, calling the dog hers. Jack was gentle with her, careful not to play too rough and always ready to steal a snack from her hand.

Emery crouched over the dog bed in the living room near the TV, patting Jack’s head and murmuring something Zach couldn’t make out. Jack licked up Em’s cheek and she giggled loudly, playfully scolding her pup as she kissed the top of his head and made her way back to Zach. “To Aunt Ari’s!” Zach announced as he opened the door for Emery who ran to push the button for the elevator that was just a few feet down from their door. Zach quickly locked the door and followed Emery who was echoing Zach’s chant, her toothy grin evident. Zach had a sparkling pink backpack in hand as they made their way out of the building. It was cold, the wind biting at Zach's face. The trees were bare and there was slush on the sides of the road. It was only a few blocks to Ari's place, so Zach grabbed Em's hand as they made their way through the loud city, a cacophony of horns, shouts, and squealing breaks filling the air.

Zach returned home an hour later, tossing his keys on the kitchen counter and collapsing on the sofa. He’d grabbed some lunch on the way home and now he wasn’t sure what to do with himself. He hated when he watched daytime television. It made him feel so useless. So Zach flipped the TV guide on, searching for a movie to take his mind off of things. He settled on the latest Seth Rogen movie and struggled not to start texting Frankie. Frankie was busy. He knew how this went, he’d send a text and Frankie would respond in an hour or two. It was best not to go down that road.

So, Zach moved over on the couch, calling for Jack to join him. Jack, strictly speaking, wasn’t allowed on the couch, but Zach broke that rule more often than he upheld it. Jack jumped up, curling his body next to Zach, his head resting in Zach’s lap. Zach absentmindedly pet Jack’s head, his fingers combing through the curly coat, running over the silky feel of Jack’s ears. 

Zach wasn’t sure how the time passed in the day, but finally it was five o’clock, just an hour and a half from their dinner reservations. Zach jumped into his second shower of the day, deciding he couldn’t be too clean for tonight. When Zach got out of the shower, he checked his phone, smiling widely as he saw Frankie’s face and a small notification that he’d called. There was also a text. Zach pulled the text up, his eyes quickly moving across the rather lengthy text. “Baby, I’m so sorry. Tyler really thinks that one of the understudies is not prepared and I have to agree. Tyler says there is a potential investor coming tonight. Tyler’s a total mess to be honest. I’m so sorry, but I agreed to fill in tonight. I don’t know how to tell you how sorry I am. Come to the show? Please. Call me back,” Frankie wrote.

Zach had to fight not to throw his phone across the room. It didn’t matter what the excuse was. If he was being honest, Zach felt like he’d been waiting for the other shoe to drop the whole day. It was inevitable now that he thought about it. Frankie could never walk away from anything at work until everything was over and the lights were turned down. Normally, Zach did his best not to let it bother him. _Today_ , though, today was supposed to be his day—their day. Zach squeezed his eyes shut, wiping angrily at his tears. Zach counted to ten, willing his body to relax. It didn’t work, he started again, finally feeling some tension fade as he looked back in the mirror, wiping his eyes again and shaking his head in defeat.

Zach dressed in his most comfortable pajama pants, sliding his most worn out T-shirt on as he found the cookie dough in the fridge. He was only going to make two, but soon the pan had four cookies on it. When he looked at the four balls of dough, he shrugged in indifference, baking them all. He’d texted Frankie back, telling him that he wasn’t coming, that he’d see him when he got home. Maybe it was childish to pout and Zach knew that deep down, but he couldn’t stop his mind from blaming Frankie, from calling him selfish. He knew going to the show like that would do neither of them any good.

Zach wasn’t sure if he would call the feelings that washed over him depression or just loneliness. He couldn’t deny that he was lonely. He spent most of his days with a beautiful and intelligent five year old that he loved—but no matter how intelligent and funny and perfect she was, she was still five. He loved her more than he loved anyone—probably even more than Frankie. Still, Zach needed more. He had a beautiful husband who was only home for a few hours a day—gone in the morning before he’d even finished his coffee and home late, sometimes after Zach was already in bed and frequently after Emie was asleep. 

It must have been intermission when Zach’s phone went off again. It was a simple text. “I love you,” Frankie had sent, a heart tacked on the end. Zach groaned loudly at the text. Yes, Zach loved him. He loved Frankie deeply, but right now, that wasn’t enough. He was hurt more than anything. His heart had withstood a lot of disappointment, but this one felt bigger somehow. He didn’t know if it was just because of all the times before or if this one really meant more. He supposed it didn’t matter as he stared at his phone, finally writing back, “You too.”

The hours dragged by as the night wore on, Zach’s hurt and anger intermittently coiling like a snake ready to strike. It wasn’t until just before midnight that he decided to go to bed. The show should be over and Frankie would likely be getting home soon. Zach wasn’t sure what he would say to Frankie—going to bed and avoiding the whole thing seemed like the best plan. Zach took Jack to bed with him. He let the dog curl up against his side, Zach’s hand resting in the warm fur. Zach felt the minutes tick away on their anniversary, the only seventh anniversary they’d ever have. Zach checked his phone periodically, wondering if Frankie would text him—something, _anything_. He watched the date change at midnight. January 17th. It was now January 17th. Zach tossed his phone on the nightstand, turning his back to the door.

Frankie rushed down the street when he got off the subway, a bouquet of flowers in his hand. None of this was planned. He had royally fucked up and he knew that, but he was stuck. There was nothing he could do. If he didn’t perform the part, they would’ve either had to cancel the show or put on a very subpar performance with a main actor who could barely remember his lines. Frankie was _thisclose_ to firing the understudy before Tyler pulled him back, pointing out that then they’d have no understudy and they might need one tomorrow, provided the kid could learn his lines well enough. So, Frankie had done the show, checking his phone between scenes, hoping Zach would send him something or show up at the end of the show. Neither had happened, so Frankie had grabbed the nearest bouquet of flowers from backstage and run to the subway, completely bypassing Tyler as he tried to flag him down while he stood talking to whom Frankie could only assume was the investor he was trying to impress.

Frankie unlocked the door, still catching his breath. It was dark, only the faint night light over the stove still on. He set the flowers down, getting his coat and boots off as he made his way to the bedroom, leaving the flowers on the counter. Frankie padded quietly into their room, the door still ajar. As he pushed the door open, he saw the movement on the bed and it took him a second to realize it was Jack, tail wagging in greeting. Frankie shook his head a little—of course Zach would let Jack on the bed. Zach’s back was to Frankie as he sat on the edge of the bed, picking Jack up and setting him on the floor. Jack whined at Frankie’s feet and Frankie pet his head quickly before moving across the bed. Frankie pressed his front to Zach’s back, his arms wrapping around Zach’s waist as he pressed a few kisses to Zach’s neck. 

Zach wasn’t asleep, but for whatever childish reason, he wanted Frankie to think he was. Zach groaned at the kisses, his body stretching. “Wake up baby,” Frankie murmured. Zach blinked in the dark, his hand falling down to rest on Frankie’s. “Happy anniversary my love,” Frankie added.

“You missed it,” Zach muttered into the darkness, his voice slightly more bitter than he intended it to be. He felt Frankie sigh loudly against his neck as his arms tightened around Zach. Frankie felt the guilt run through his veins, making his stomach drop. He knew he’d made a decision that would have repercussions, but this was tougher than he’d anticipated. 

“I’m sorry. Let me make it up to you baby. I’ll arrange another day. This week. Just you and me,” Frankie offered, pulling Zach over so that he was now laying on his back, Frankie stayed on his side looking down at Zach’s face. Zach only nodded once in the dark before Frankie kissed him. Zach wanted to turn away, to make Frankie feel as rejected as Zach felt earlier in the night, but he kissed him back before he rolled onto his side, letting Frankie play the big spoon for the night. Zach felt his heart clench as he heard Frankie whisper, “I love you.”

Zach closed his eyes, the tears falling down his cheeks. He didn’t reach to wipe them, instead he whispered back, “I love you too.” Zach had no idea how they’d ended up here, wrapped up with each other but in other ways as far away from one another as possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you like this and want me to continue.


	3. Chapter 3

The sun was already high in the sky by the time Zach began to stir in bed. He closed his eyes tightly against the sun, trying to push himself back towards the abyss that was sleep. He didn’t want to face the day yet, but his mind was already processing, resurfacing the day before. He hated it. He wanted to push yesterday far into the past—make it a distant memory. It just wasn’t working that way. It was involuntarily when his hand slid across the sheets, searching for Frankie’s comfort. His eyes snapped open when his hand found only rumpled sheets beside him.

Zach blinked at the empty space, annoyed at waking up alone—again. He looked back out the window, the sun making his eyes constrict in the way that was painful. That was when he realized what time it was. His heart beat jump started at that moment, running a race of its own as he grabbed for his phone, desperately checking for the time. He was late. He knew he must be late to pick up Emery.

There was a small yellow post-it stuck to his phone. Zach pulled it off, reading the time as 10:30 am. _Fuck_ , Zach cursed to himself, jumping out of bed and heading for the bathroom before he felt the crushed piece of paper in his hand. He stopped to read it, the looping handwriting instantly familiar.

_I’ve gone to get Em. Sleep in. Relax._  
Love you,  
F 

Zach stopped, his feet protesting the cold tile before his own body heat seeped into them, warming the spot on which he stood. He’d promised Ari he would be there by 10 am. He hoped Frankie had been there in time, but regardless, Zach wasn’t going to beat him there now. Zach turned the phone over in his hands. He lit the screen, his heart clenching at the picture of Frankie and Emery. It was just a few years ago. Em was two years old, curly brown hair sprouting out all over the place, her face grinning as Frankie tossed her in the air. The image was a perfect shot. Em was just a few inches out of Frankie’s hands, Frankie’s eyes shining with love, his smile exactly as Zach remembered it when it was genuine and unforced. Zach felt a pang in his chest as he lamented the loss of that smile; he hadn’t seen it in longer than he cared to remember. Zach had changed the picture on his phone a few times, but he always came back to this one, enchanted by the matching expressions and the ample warmth he felt radiating from his heart and throughout his body when he looked at it. It was irreplaceable.

Zach almost called Frankie and then decided against it. He’d call after a shower, his third in less than a day. The warm water cleansed his skin, trying to wash off the disappointment and despair of the day before. He didn’t want to remember it. He really didn’t. Zach emerged, determined to dress for the day. Emery had dance class today. She took ballet and tap. Frankie had been dancing with her since she was little and as soon as she was old enough, they had enrolled her in dance class at Lauren’s dance studio.

Frankie was walking down the chilly streets of New York at that moment, his hand gripped tightly on Emery’s. It was a nice day for winter in New York. The sun was shining, casting a gleaming light on the metal street signs. The taxis were out in full force and the city was bustling. The post-holiday slump was slowly lifting. Frankie had woken up early, his mind turning with guilt. He felt bad for missing the day that Zach had planned for them. He still didn’t feel like it was his fault or like he’d made the wrong decision, but he felt bad. He’d hurt Zach and that was something that he couldn’t ignore.

When the sun started to rise on the day, the shadow from Zach’s body casting across their bed, Frankie gave up on sleep. He knew it was early, but he needed to get out. He needed to think. He’d quietly dressed and took Jack out before feeding him. Not too much later, he slipped out of the apartment, walking just a few blocks to the nearest Starbucks. He walked down the chilly street, taking the long way to Ari’s place after he sent her a quick text. Frankie meandered down fifth avenue at one point, stopping in front of Tiffany’s, his mind flashing back to picking out wedding bands. This city held so many memories for him and there were more than a few with Zach that he wouldn’t mind reliving. 

When Frankie arrived at Ari’s, Emie ran to the door, throwing herself at Frankie, her arms wrapping around his neck. “I thought Daddy was coming,” Emie commented, turning her head sideways to look at Frankie who was holding her up against one hip.

“What? Am I not good enough?,” Frankie teased, turning his nose up and looking away.

Em giggled and Frankie couldn’t ignore how much the sound reminded him of Zach’s laugh. Emery kissed Frankie’s cheek before squeezing him tightly. “You silly Dad,” Emery countered. Frankie smiled widely at her, dropping her feet to the floor and tickling her sides until she was bent over and trying desperately to escape his grip. 

“Grab your stuff munchkin,” Frankie commented as Emery ran out of the room, heading down the hall. Frankie turned to look at Ari who was watching carefully from the kitchen. 

“You look tired,” Ari commented, “And not in the good way.” Frankie hated that she knew him that well. It was hard to hide things from her and sometimes he wished he could.

“It’s nothing. I got tied up at work. I…well, I kind of ruined our anniversary,” Frankie admitted, unable to meet her eyes.

“Frankie!” Ari exclaimed as she hit his arm playfully. “Zach was so excited yesterday. Is he okay?” Ari asked.

Frankie wasn’t sure how to answer her. He realized he didn’t actually know the answer. He’d tried to apologize, but somehow it didn’t feel like enough. He’d promised to make it up to him, but he knew it would take more than just a night out on the town. They’d done that enough times. He needed something more. Frankie didn’t answer her question. Instead he launched into his own stream of consciousness, “I have to fix it. I’m not sure what would be good enough. I feel so bad, but I was stuck. Tyler was literally going to have a melt down and I didn’t want to deal with that either. I just…” Frankie trailed off, finally looking up at Ari. “I have to make it up to him. I don’t know how,” Frankie stated.

Ari tapped her fingernails against the coffee cup in her hand. “When was the last time you were both ridiculously happy?” Ari asked. 

Frankie wracked his brain, thinking back through the years. He couldn’t recreate birthdays and he definitely couldn’t recreate Emery’s birth. No, he had to come up with something else. Something that was just the two of them. He wanted it to mean something to just the two of them—no one else. Frankie pulled up his calendar on his phone, noting the only day next week with no meetings. He did a quick search on his phone, looking for the number he wanted. Emery burst back into the room, pink sparkly backpack dragging behind her. She had her feet stuffed into her boots—on the wrong feet—but her coat was on and she had her gloves in her hand. Frankie chuckled as he dropped to his knees, fixing her shoes and grabbing her backpack to carry.

Emery ran to hug Ari who promised her that next time they would make Ari’s special hot chocolate. After a quick kiss, Em was tugging Frankie’s hand towards the door. Ari came around to hug Frankie goodbye. Frankie whispered his thanks. Ari winked at him as he followed Emery out the door.

On the way home, Frankie made a few phone calls before Emery begged to stop at their favorite bagel spot on the way home. They walked the last few blocks home. Emery spent the walk pointing out every puppy dog she saw and proposing a number of pit stops along the way. Frankie insisted they stay on their path much to her dismay. It was wasn’t until he reminded her that she had dance class today that she was finally eager to get home. She pulled Frankie’s arm forward the rest of the way, desperate to get home so she could put on her _leer-ah-tard and bah-lee slippers_. 

Frankie unlocked the door and grabbed a plate for Emery, getting her bagel ready. Frankie set the plate on the coffee table. Em sat on the floor, picking at her bagel while watching a brightly colored cartoon that Frankie didn’t recognize. “I’m going to go check on Daddy, okay?” Frankie asked. Em nodded absentmindedly. Frankie leaned down to kiss the top of her head, adding, “Let us know when you’re done. We have to get ready for dance soon baby girl.” 

Frankie walked back down the hall, pushing open the door to their bedroom. Frankie was met with the sight of Zach, still with a towel hanging loosely at his hips after his shower. Zach was rifling through one of his drawers, searching for his favorite sweater. He felt Frankie’s arms around his middle and froze, trying to enjoy the feeling. It’s not that he didn’t like having Frankie’s arms around him, it was more about being unable to turn his brain off. There was a constant onslaught from his mind, reminding him of everything that had happened before. His body wanted to let it go, but his head seemed unwilling. Frankie’s fingers tickled at Zach’s side and Zach turned in an instant, his laughter leaving him gasping for air and backing away from Frankie.

Frankie smirked, continuing to advance on Zach. Zach’s knees hit the back of their bed and he felt himself fall backwards onto the soft comforter below. Frankie didn’t waste a second as he climbed on top of Zach, his knees on either side of Zach’s hips. Zach couldn’t help but giggle, his mind slowly loosening it’s hold, his own will pushing the nagging worries and reminders out of his brain. Frankie leaned over, burying his face in the space between Zach’s neck and shoulder. Zach found his hands sliding up to rest on Frankie’s hips. Frankie pressed a kiss at the angle of Zach’s jaw before he murmured, “Tuesday.”

Zach face contorted, one eyebrow up, the other pressed down as his lips curled to one side. He had no idea what Frankie was talking about. “Huh?” Zach asked as Frankie sat up again, still straddling Zach’s hips. 

“Tuesday. Just you and me,” Frankie repeated. Zach was starting to understand now. Frankie had promised to make it up to him. He said he’d pick another day. Zach’s mind turned bitter as he supposed he was now supposed to accept a day that was four days late as his replacement anniversary.

Zach lifted Frankie’s hips up enough so that he could manage to sit up. In this position, Frankie was still taller than him, his eyes a few inches above Zach’s. It was almost like Frankie could see the scowl forming in Zach’s face as he remembered the day before again, his anger and disappointment threatening to bubble to the surface. Frankie leaned in, his lips pressed against Zach’s. Zach felt his body react to the kiss, his craving for Frankie’s taste stronger than his need to be angry and resentful. Frankie didn’t stop, his lips controlling the kiss as his tongue teased Zach.

Frankie finally broke the kiss, his fingers running through the damp hair on Zach’s head. “The Hamptons,” Frankie added, like he was slowly building a puzzle for Zach to put together. _Tuesday. Him and Frankie. The Hamptons._ It didn’t mean that much to Zach, but it sounded good in a way he couldn’t explain.

Zach cocked his eyebrow up at Frankie who laughed lightly before finally deciding to explain. “You and me. Alone. All day Tuesday. I rented that place in the Hamptons—the one we stayed at right before Emery was born. Remember?” Frankie asked.

Zach nodded in agreement as he remembered the place and the time. He had been so happy then, his husband by his side and their baby on the way. He’d been anxious too, but the excitement had won. They’d spent a week there, enjoying each other to the fullest, knowing that their lives were about to change forever.

“It’s cold,” Zach murmured. He didn’t know why he felt compelled to put a damper on the moment, but he did. He hated himself for it, but he couldn’t help it.

“There’s a fireplace, remember?” Frankie reminded him, his lips trailing along Zach’s shoulder now. “We can move some things around and make love in front of that fire all night long,” Frankie murmured. Zach groaned in response, his body taking over control from his mind once again.

“Dad! Daddy! I’m finished,” rang through the apartment, echoing into their bedroom through the slight crack in the door. Zach sighed loudly as Frankie pushed him back into the bed and slid off of him. Frankie paused at the door, turning back to glance at his husband, sprawled across their bed. He knew he’d never get tired of that sight. _Tuesday_ , he thought, pinning his hopes and wishes on that day—just three days away.


	4. Chapter 4

Emery smiled widely, one hand linked to Frankie, the other with a loose grip on Zach's hand. She glanced up at the numbers flashing by on the little display above the door. She was bundled in her winter coat, her boots on the correct feet and her backpack stuffed with a few of her favorite things. Most importantly, she had her tutu tucked away and ready for dance class. The large silver doors of the elevator opened in front of them a minute later, revealing the familiar lobby.

Frankie lead the way, stepping quickly out of the elevator, tugging on Emery’s arm just a bit as he led the way through the lobby. Frankie stopped short of the front door, crouching down in front of Emery. “Have fun my dancing monkey. I’ll come home early and you can tell me all about dance class. Does that sound good?” Frankie asked, smiling widely at his daughter. Emie nodded enthusiastically, throwing herself into Frankie’s arms as he held them out to her. Frankie hugged her tightly, pressing a kiss to her cheek before rising back to his feet.

Zach had a hard time looking Frankie in the eye. Frankie noticed, but he tried not to think about it or what it meant. “I told Tyler that I could fill in for the matinee show today, but the understudy is going to do the performance tonight. Tyler knows I’m leaving as soon as the matinee is over. I should be home around dinner time. Don’t wait for me though if Em is hungry after dance. I want to put her to bed though. It’s been so long and I miss it,” Frankie told Zach. Zach nodded in agreement.

Frankie closed the space between them, hugging Zach warmly. He couldn’t deny that he still felt like he was making up for the night before, trying to right something in Zach’s eyes. Frankie felt his heart flood with relief when he felt Zach’s arms wrap around him, squeezing tightly. Zach’s lips brushed against Frankie’s neck and Frankie couldn’t help the grin that lit up his face. “Maybe she can go to bed early…so we can go to _bed_ ,” Frankie murmured, his voice dripping with insinuation. 

Zach laughed quietly, his body agreeing with Frankie in an instant as his heart rate leapt and his skin felt like it was buzzing with electricity. His mind played the image and he couldn’t deny that it sounded good. It sounded like something they needed. When Frankie pulled away, it was Zach that tangled his fingers into Frankie’s scarf, pulling him back until their lips met. Emery tugged on Zach’s free hand, whining loudly, “Staaaaahp!” Zach reluctantly let Frankie go. Frankie winked before disappearing out the door, his hand ruffling Em’s curls on the way. Emery pulled on Zach’s hand again. He shook his head in amusement, following her out the door, letting her lead the way down the street to the dance studio that was a few blocks away. Zach tried not to think too much as the city spread out in front of them.

When they arrived at the dance studio, Zach barely got Em out of her coat before she was running to the far corner. Vivian was there, her mother helping her get her ballet slippers on. Vivian was blonde with blue eyes, chubby cheeks, and dimples that rendered nearly everyone incapable of saying no. By the time Zach reached the pair, Emery and Vivian were pulling out Emery’s tutu and ballet slippers from her backpack. Zach reached for the backpack, carefully packing away Emery’s discarded boots. When Emery’s ballet slippers were on, Zach held out the tutu with his hands, stretching the elastic. Emie balanced herself with her hands on Zach’s shoulders as she stepped into the ring of tulle held out for her. 

With a quick kiss on his cheek and hug around his neck, Zach was dismissed by Em who shooed him away in a way that Zach could only describe as distinctly _Grande_ due to his years of experience. Zach smiled at a fond memory as he made his way to the small gathering area that many of the parents visited in during dance class. Zach felt a tug on his arm. He had to shake his head to gather his focus before he realized it was Lauren. Her arms wrapped around him just as he recognized her. He tried to hug her back, but she was pulling away already. She smiled warmly, squeezing his arm. She quickly explained that the normal instructor for Emery’s age group was sick and she would be filling in. Before Zach could utter more than a greeting, she was pulling away and promising to call and set up a night out with him and Frankie before she disappeared into the studio, the door shutting just a few seconds later.

Zach walked quietly through the space, finding the corner seat on a cushioned bench. It was his usual spot. He normally talked with Vivian’s mom or a few of the other parents, but his mind kept floating away tonight. He had his phone in his hands, mindlessly flipping through pictures when he felt the dip in the cushion as someone sat beside him. Zach’s eyes snapped up quickly, his eyes taking in the familiar face. It was Nathan. Nathan was another parent—his daughter also in Em’s class. Nathan was one of the few dads in the group of regular parents. The only other dad was a guy named Chuck who was lanky with thick glasses and his pants up a bit too high for Zach to take him seriously. Nathan, however, was someone Zach could relate to. Nathan was tall with a muscular build and dark hair. His eyes were almost black and his jaw line was sharp, strong and particularly well served by a five o’clock shadow. They’d become friends over the last two years as their daughters progressed through the different dance classes at Lauren’s studio.

“Hey man, what’s up?” Nathan asked, glancing over at Zach who quickly darkened his phone screen, holding his phone flat between his hands.

“Not much. Just trying to get over that post holiday slump, you know?” Zach responded, not feeling very into small talk right now. “How are things with you? I haven’t seen you since early December when the girls finished those weeks of tap dance,” Zach continued, trying not to be rude.

“Yeah, well, you know, this year the holidays were rough. Caitlin spent Christmas with her mom and I got her for New Years and Thanksgiving. It still didn’t feel complete though. Caitlin handled it better than I thought. Kids are surprisingly strong sometimes, you know?” Nathan mumbled, his eyes not meeting Zach’s. Zach hadn’t been thinking when he’d asked. He knew Nathan and his wife had gotten divorced over the summer, but he’d kind of forgotten and he'd never asked why—they weren't that close. 

“That’s tough man. She’ll be fine, you know? You’re an amazing father and a great guy. As long as you both love her, unconditionally—for exactly who she is, she’ll be just fine,” Zach reassured, trying not to let too much of his own feelings color his advice. 

Nathan nodded quickly in agreement, averting his eyes from Zach a few moments later. “How about you? You look great. Seems like things are going well,” Nathan commented, tugging a little on Zach’s leather jacket that he’d forgotten to take off.

“Oh, yeah, things are good, I guess,” Zach replied.

“You guess?” Nathan asked again. 

“No. I mean, yes. Things are good,” Zach tried again, trying to sound more emphatic.

Nathan only nodded, his hands lacing together and pulling apart in front of him a few times. Zach didn’t even noticed the slight jitter in Nathan’s left leg or the way he kept glancing at Zach. Zach was still lost in his own head. Since this morning, his mind seemed to be relentlessly replaying memories of the time he and Frankie had spent together in the Hamptons the last time they were there. Somehow, he felt the memories getting tainted with the loneliness of the last year or so. He couldn’t shake it. He wanted to. He really did.

Zach’s gaze turned quickly to face Nathan when he felt Nathan’s hand squeeze his knee briefly. Zach’s eyes widened in surprise. “You seem distracted,” Nathan started. Zach had to agree as his brain raced to figure how he’d gotten to this point. That touch by Nathan felt more intimate than it should have. Zach couldn’t shake the thought as his eyes met Nathan’s again. “You look like you could use a break. Want to meet up sometime? Get a beer? Watch a game? The Giants are playing tomorrow. Play-off game,” Nathan offered.

Zach smiled at the invitation. He wasn’t sure what this was. He didn’t want to be rude. Nathan was a friend and he had always enjoyed chatting with him. They’d never gone anywhere else or made plans before. The quick “yes” that escaped Zach’s mouth surprised him. Nathan’s smile was a mile wide. Nathan opened his mouth to say something else, but the door to the studio burst open, a cacophony of squeals from loud, tutu clad girls filled the hall. 

Nathan’s hand brushed across Zach’s knee as he stood up, promising to text Zach tomorrow to make solid plans. Zach nodded quickly, his face red, embarrassed by the touch and the plans. He didn’t know why he’d done it. He couldn't help feeling like he shouldn’t have. He didn’t have more than a second to think about it before Emery was pulling herself up into Zach’s lap, Lauren trailing behind her. Lauren smiled at Zach, who wrapped his arms around Emery, holding her up against his hip as he stood up quickly. Lauren kissed Emery quickly before she said goodbye to them both. Zach tried desperately to read the look in Lauren’s eyes, looking for anything unusual, but he couldn’t really get a read. She had always been tough. He walked away when they parted, unsure about why he felt guilty.

The night was thick on the city, the bright lights illuminating the street like it was a bubble of protection from the great darkness above. It wasn’t that late, but winter had a way of making the day feel like it was gone before it even started. Emery walked slower this time, her gloved hand holding onto Zach’s, her feet dragging slowly. Zach knew she’d fall asleep quickly tonight—she always did after dance class.

Zach barely managed to guide them home, his brain humming with too many thoughts to track. It was times like this that Zach was grateful for the autopilot that directed his feet the right way. Zach waffled back and forth in his mind. One minute, he planned to cancel on Nathan. The next, he was sure he should go. Why shouldn’t he go out? Frankie goes out with friends all of the time—coworkers and Jon-Erik and the others. Each time Zach would convince himself, he’d feel a nagging doubt. A piece of curiosity he couldn’t damper. Why did it feel like Nathan asking him to come out with him was more than just a hang out between friends? Zach thought maybe he was reading into it. Nathan had touched his leg, twice. That wasn’t normal—or was it? 

Zach wasn’t that good at friends. When he’d left Florida, he’d lost touch with many of his old friends. He still had a few, of course, but they didn’t see each other much and Zach was okay with that. He saw AJ periodically in New York. That was the closest thing he had to a real long term friend. He had made one good friend in New York. It was a girl named Camila. She was a few years younger than him, loud, brash, and Colombian. She was entertaining as hell and he loved hearing her stories about her disastrous dating life. It was fun. Frankie liked her too, but she was distinctly Zach’s friend. She got to bitch about boys, and Zach got the same courtesy, mostly venting his complaints about Frankie to her. 

Zach made a mental note to call Camila for advice tomorrow as he and Emery arrived at the apartment. Zach stooped over to pick Emie up, carrying her to the elevator as she curled into Zach’s arms. He rode the elevator up quietly, his heart rising with the hope that Frankie would be home already. He couldn’t deny that he was still hopeful that Frankie’s smiling face and fond touch would soothe all of his worries. It had for so many years and Zach still yearned for that magic, but now with a growing distance between them he wasn’t sure if it still existed—no matter how much Frankie wanted to fix it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for continuing to read!! Sorry the super long delay for this chapter!


	5. Chapter 5

Zach heard the soft click of the heater turning on, the soft steady whirl of air blowing reaching his ears a few seconds later. Zach was in bed, the warm blankets pulled up over his chest. He was staring blankly through the darkness of the room, determinedly ignoring the soft green glow of the alarm clock declaring that it was after 2am. There was barely any movement except the shift of shadows. He glanced toward the closed bedroom door again before giving up on his attempts to sleep. He slid further up the bed, propping his back up with his and Frankie's pillows as he switched on the lamp on his bedside table. He pulled his phone free of the charger, the bright screen coming to life as he searched for mindless entertainment to lull him to sleep. He ended up on some game he only vaguely remembered downloading. He sighed as his efforts seemed fruitless when his nagging thoughts kept intruding. _Nathan._

* * *

Zach hadn’t known what to do. He'd barely managed to convince himself that the invitation was nothing more than friends watching a game together when he and Emery arrived home. The door of the apartment swung open before he could even get the key in the lock. Frankie stood smiling in front of him. His eyes were aglow despite the distinct evidence of exhaustion noticeable in the bags under his eyes. He tried to hide it, moving with a jump in his step that was a little exaggerated and wore off after a few minutes. 

Frankie had taken a sleeping Emie from Zach's arms at the door of the apartment. A quick kiss was placed against Zach's cheek as Frankie had walked away, carrying Em to the nearby sofa. Em groggily rolled over on the sofa, falling asleep as quickly as ever. Zach took his time removing his coat, shucking his boots, and hanging his scarf. He was honestly thrilled that Frankie was home, but he couldn't help thinking how much more excited he would have been about this development a few months ago. Zach finally made his way into the living room, looking up to see Frankie had moved into the kitchen, stirring a pot on the stove.

Frankie hadn't cooked since rehearsals for the show had started months ago. Zach cooked most of the time now unless they got take out. His skills had improved, but he still preferred Frankie's cooking. Zach glanced down to see Em's face pressed against the back of the sofa, her small body rising slowly with each metered breath. Zach's fingers played with a few curls before he looked up to see Frankie watching him from the kitchen.

Zach moved to sit on one of the stools arranged around the island in the kitchen. Frankie smiled widely before turning back to the stove. Zach inhaled deeply, the scent familiar. “Grandpa’s spaghetti sauce?" Zach asked hopefully as he pushed his body up to peer over to where Frankie was, catching sight of the bubbling red sauce. Frankie nodded affirmatively before turning the heat off. He moved to stand by Zach, his hand resting on the back of Zach's neck, his fingers sliding up into the short hairs at the back of Zach's head. Zach let out a soft sigh at the touch. Frankie's forehead was pressing against Zach's now. Zach leaned into it, trying to give Frankie permission. Frankie's lips were on Zach's in an instant. Zach twisted on the stool, trying to get closer to Frankie. Frankie pulled Zach's knees apart, stepping into the space, as their lips brushed against each other. Zach's head was floating in a second, his problems seemingly shrinking beneath him as Frankie's fingers siphoned the worry away. Frankie was delighted at Zach's response, Zach's hands now pulling insistently at his hips, searching for more contact. This was the Zach he remembered—the Zach he wanted to keep.

Frankie broke the kiss at the last second, his lungs grateful for the fresh air that rushed into the space. Zach's face looked a little dazed. Frankie smiled triumphantly, pressing a quick peck against Zach's lips before turning away to carry the boiling pasta to the strainer in the sink. Frankie glanced at the clock. "Wake her. She has to eat and bathe and then she should go to bed. Otherwise we'll be doing this routine at 10 tonight instead of being alone in our own bed," Frankie ordered, his voice dropping as he murmured the last few words against Zach's ear on his way to the sink. Zach smiled goofily, his eyelids heavy from the heady stimulation Frankie had been providing just moments ago.

Emie had been grumpy when Zach woke her, but she perked up at the promise of Frankie's spaghetti. Dinner was quick and easy. Zach allowed himself to get lost in the conversation, all worries of the day firmly shut off. There was a soft kiss pressed against his temple as he was left to wash the dishes when Frankie chased Em off to the bathroom for a bath and bedtime. Zach sat quietly for a minute or two. His mind replayed the evening. It really was picture perfect. Zach didn't know how to feel as the quiet voice of doubt in his head grew louder, derision evident. _One night every few months. That's good enough right? Just enough to keep holding onto the hope that someday it'll go back to what it used to be—before he loved work more than he loved his family._ Zach knew he was being unreasonable, but it didn't stop the thoughts as his mind fought to unwind every picturesque memory of the night.

By the time Zach had washed all of the dishes, he heard Frankie’s laugh retreating further down the hall, Emery’s giggles joining the chorus, as they moved to her room. Zach’s mood had been thoroughly tempered, his previous worries creeping back. He had to decide what to do about Nathan—and fast. The game was tomorrow. He wasn’t even sure if he was supposed to worry about this. Nathan was a friend, well, an acquaintance. Nathan just got divorced—from his wife. He was being stupid, they were clearly just friends. Zach hated that he couldn’t ignore the intimate feeling he got when Nathan has pressed his hand against Zach’s leg. That felt more than friendly. He couldn’t deny that the attention and the light touches had felt good. The sensation had reminded him of years past when his hair would stand on end at the slightest brush of Frankie’s hand, his body excited by the appreciation conveyed in each touch. It didn’t hurt that Nathan was gorgeous. He had thick dark hair, piercing eyes, and what Zach assumed was a toned body if his arms were anything to go by. Nathan knew he was married—certainly he wouldn’t try to do anything, even if he was remotely attracted to Zach—which still, Zach wasn't sure if that was something Nathan might be into. 

Zach sighed loudly, weighing his options. He knew the safe option. The safe option was to make up an excuse and tell Nathan he couldn’t go. The question was: is that what he wanted to do? Zach wasn’t sure. Zach glanced at the clock. It wasn’t that late yet; it was still too early to be out for a Saturday night. Zach grabbed his phone from the table, texting Camila quickly before he lost his nerve. He quickly opened another app as the text sent, trying to be interested in the latest headline on ESPN. His heart sped up a minute later at the notice of a response. If there was one thing Zach loved about Camila when it came to crises, it was her ability to be blunt. She didn’t sugarcoat anything and it was exactly what he needed. 

The text said to call and Zach didn’t hesitate, walking away from the living room towards their bedroom as he pressed the button. She answered quickly, clearly sounding rushed. “You’ve got fifteen minutes before my Uber gets here. Spill,” she commanded. Zach smiled at the familiar accent, her words sounding thick over the phone. He almost found himself responding in imitation of her accent but now wasn’t the time. This was important. Zach quickly launched into explanation, painstakingly recounting the encounter. Camila cut him off before he could explain the rest of the evening with Frankie and Emery. “Do you love Frankie?” she asked. Zach answered yes without hesitation. “Then why bother worrying about this? Don’t go or go and be firm about what you want.” Camila asked, sounding bored.

“I don’t know what I want,” Zach admitted, his voice straining to get the words out. Camila clicked her tongue a few times and Zach could hear the sound of honking horns through the phone while he waited for an answer.

“Do you want to hook up with Nathan?” Camila asked, her voice even, not betraying her own feelings on the matter.

“I don’t even know if he likes me—or men—or anything. I just don’t know,” Zach stuttered, walking into the bathroom and shutting the door behind him. 

“Zach. It doesn’t matter what Nathan wants. What do you want? You say you don’t know, but that’s never the truth. You love your husband. You’ve told me more than a few times that you have felt increasingly neglected over the last few years. So the real question is…does that feeling end your marriage? Or do you push through it?” Camila pressed. Zach felt tears stinging his eyes as he leaned his back against the wall, sinking to the cold tiled floor. 

“I don’t know. One second Frankie is here and I feel like everything is perfect and I’m happy. Then he leaves, and I’m alone for increasingly longer periods of time and I feel my resentment growing and I can’t seem to stop it. Maybe I should meet Nathan? Maybe I’ll know more about how I feel if I go. Besides, like I said, this is probably just a friends thing and I’m worrying for nothing. Not that you’re not amazing, but I could use more friends,” Zach finally answered.

Camila laughed softly on the other end. “My friend, you are a piece of work. I’m not going to tell you what to do,” she stated firmly. She kept talking over Zach’s protests, “You make your own decision. I love you always,” she added, before the call cut off. Zach sat quietly for a minute. Tossing his phone up onto the counter, hating Camila for not helping him decide. Zach looked at himself in the mirror as he found himself back on his feet again. 

“What do you want?” Zach whispered to himself. He closed his eyes for a second before he found a renewed energy, striding quickly from the bathroom, leaving his phone by the sink. He walked quietly down the hall to Emery’s room, searching for Frankie, his heart beating quickly as his head was filled with images of the two of them. Zach found the bedroom door ajar and pushed it quietly. The faint light of Emery’s lamp illuminated the corner of the room. Zach stood in the doorway, his eyes meeting Em’s. Emery pressed her finger to her lips, quietly shushing Zach before he could speak. Frankie was curled up next to Emery on the bed, seemingly asleep as Emery thumbed through her book. 

Emery whispered goodnight and Zach found himself replying in kind as he retreated from the room, walking away from the glowing light. Disappointment spread through his body, his eyes pricking with tears again. _Always. Every damn time._ It was starting to feel like a defeat. Zach knew he was being unreasonable as he shut their bedroom door firmly, crossing to the bathroom and grabbing his phone. Frankie was tired, justifiably. It wasn’t fair to get upset about it, but Zach’s emotions didn’t seem to understand the concept of fair as he searched for Nathan’s number in his phone. _It was too much. It was always like this. He was always the last choice and it was just too much._ He sent off a quick text to Nathan, confirming the location and time for tomorrow before collapsing onto the bed.

* * *

Zach was laying on his side, facing the door at 3:06 am when Frankie quietly snuck into their bedroom, sliding into his side of the bed, his pillows already replaced where they belonged. Zach kept his eyes closed. Zach felt Frankie’s lips press against his forehead. Zach fought to remain still. Frankie murmured, “I love you,” as he settled down beside Zach. Frankie was stretched out on his stomach, his hands hidden under his pillow. Zach opened his eyes a minute later, the room still dark. Frankie’s face was turned away from him. Zach blinked, a pair of tears running down his cheeks. He lifted his hand, wanting to rub Frankie’s back like he used to, but he stopped himself. Instead, he swallowed roughly, turning to this other side, his back to Frankie, and wished once again for sleep that wouldn’t come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just...um...stick with me?
> 
> I will try my best not to go two months before updating....sorry for the long waits!


	6. Chapter 6

Frankie shifted in bed, his legs recoiling from the cool untouched sheets beside him. He whined when his eyelids fluttered in the light, not wanting to face the day yet. He hid his face in his pillow for a minute, listening to the sound of cabinets opening and closing in the kitchen. He finally resigned himself to the morning, opening his eyes and sliding up to a half-reclined position in the bed. Zach’s side of the bed was predictably empty. Frankie frowned, unable to remember the last time they’d actually awoken together in their bed. His brow furrowed deeper as he thought about the night before.

He’d had plans. Maybe not overly impressive plans, but plans nonetheless. Instead, he’d passed out in Emery’s bed. If he hadn’t been so utterly exhausted, he’d be more upset with himself. Frankie twisted the thin red string around his wrist a few times, trying to center himself for the day. He had to go into work, but not until the evening show; Tyler could handle the matinee alone. Frankie wondered sometimes why he bothered to go in to the show every night. They didn’t really need him all of the time—only when there was a crisis, because Tyler was definitely not equipped to handle even the smallest crisis. Frankie pushed the thought aside before it became too strong—he loved the theater. He finally had a successful show—going on 3 years of performances now—and he loathed to give it up. The glitz of the theater, the bustle of the crowd, and the thunderous applause, it was all consuming for him—an addiction he couldn’t part with.

Frankie was shocked to see Zach fully dressed in the kitchen, rushing around the island to plate some scrambled eggs and toast for Em who was playing on Frankie’s iPad, seated on one of the bar stools in the kitchen. She didn’t bother to look up as Frankie planted a kiss on top of her head. “Morning my loves,” Frankie announced. Emie muttered a greeting in return. Zach barely nodded his head in acknowledgement as he slide Em’s plate in front of her, a fork propped on the side. 

“Hey you,” Frankie tried again, grabbing Zach by the wrists. Zach smiled in response, stopping his movements about the kitchen. The warmth of Frankie’s touch spread up Zach’s arm, but his smile felt forced. Frankie could see Zach’s eyes focusing beyond him when Zach pulled away.

“Morning,” Zach blurted out, pressing a kiss to Frankie’s cheek as he rushed past him. Frankie spun on his heels, watching as Zach collected the toys scattered in the living room. Frankie sighed deeply, pouring himself a cup of coffee. He would need some caffeine to deal with a moody Zach. 

Zach’s head was filled with too many words. He had a million things he wanted to say to Frankie. He also had about five hundred excuses to leave the house collected in his brain. Each word was fighting for purchase in the forefront of his brain. He had to get out of here, the sooner the better. It didn’t matter that the game didn’t start for two more hours. Leaving this apartment was now priority number one—and that only added to the guilt building up, making his stomach feel heavy and his heart pump against his chest. 

“Zach,” Frankie tried again, approaching the hallway that Zach had disappeared down, carrying an armful of Emery’s toys. “Babe,” Frankie murmured, stepping into the doorframe of Emery’s room. Zach stopped, looking up at Frankie and trying not to look into his eyes. “Are you okay?” Frankie asked, setting his coffee mug on top of Emery’s dresser. Zach just nodded quickly, words of reassurance flying from his mouth of their own accord. 

Frankie looked wary. Zach was acting like a spooked animal, ready to jump to the ceiling with the slightest provocation. “So, I got the morning off,” Frankie announced proudly. Zach’s reaction was not at all what Frankie was expecting. Zach’s eyes widened in surprise before he quickly returned to sorting toys into the appropriate bins. 

“I have plans,” Zach muttered. Frankie was certain he hadn’t heard Zach correctly.

“What was that?” Frankie asked.

“I have plans,” Zach repeated more firmly.

“Oh,” Frankie sighed, more than a little crestfallen, but moving quickly to cover it up with a smile. “That’s okay. Em and I will have some fun daddy-daughter time and then maybe we can have a bit of time before I go in for work tonight?” Frankie asked hopefully.

“Yeah, yeah, sounds great,” Zach tried to sound enthusiastic. He was practically holding his breath at this point, waiting for Frankie to ask the inevitable question. Zach had to decide quickly what his answer was going to be. Zach glanced up to see the hurt masquerading behind Frankie’s bravado. Zach felt his heart sink just a little.

“What are you doing?” Frankie asked curiously. Christmas was long over by now, there was no more need for secretive trips.

It was a split-second decision. “I’m meeting AJ. We’re watching the football game,” Zach shrugged.

“Oh. Well, that will be nice. Were you planning to take Em? We could both come along too if you wanted,” Frankie offered.

“No. Uh, no, I was going to ask Mrs. Eikenloff next door to watch her for a couple hours. This is last minute. I mean, AJ just texted. Last night. He texted last night. Girl problems, you know. He needs some bro time,” Zach stumbled across his words, trying to sound convincing.

“Bro time,” Frankie repeated, his eyebrow raising. 

“Yeah, yeah, make fun,” Zach conceded. “Anyway, I guess I’ll just head over there now. Maybe I can pick up some pizza and beer for us. I’ll uber home, okay? I’ll be back by dinner. We can eat together before you have to leave, yeah?” 

Frankie nodded in agreement, his eyes carefully trained on Zach as Zach crossed the room. Zach leaned in, pressing a kiss to Frankie’s cheek, the corner of his mouth catching Frankie’s lips. When Frankie opened his eyes a second later, he was already faced with Zach’s retreating figure. “Love you,” Frankie added, his voice less than full strength.

“You too,” Zach tossed back before grabbing his coat and running through the front door. Once in the hallway, Zach pressed his back to the wall, breathing in a few deep breaths to steady himself before he headed for the elevator. 

* * *

Zach was on his third beer. The small bar, located just a few blocks away from Emery’s dance studio, was filling slowly. It wasn’t packed, yet, but with 30 minutes to go until kick-off, the space was warming up and the crowds were getting louder with excitement. It was the first playoff game for the Giants in a few years.

Zach checked his phone more often than he should, but there were no messages. Nothing from Nathan who had confirmed the meeting location late last night and nothing from Frankie. The thought caused Zach’s heart to squeeze painfully. _This is just two friends meeting up. I’m making something out of nothing_ , he repeated to himself for the hundredth time this morning. 

Zach spun around on the bar stool when a hand clapped onto his back. Nathan was wearing a Giants jersey, his dark brown hair falling slightly into his face which only seemed to accentuate the smallest golden flecks in Nathan’s dark brown eyes. “He—hey man, take a seat,” Zach tried, working to keep his voice steady. Zach couldn’t help himself; his eyes focused on Nathan’s ass as he walked around the table, pulling his chair around for a better view of the large TV over the bar. Nathan was less than a foot away from Zach when he slid onto the bar stool. Zach had arrived so early that it had been easy to claim one of the small, tall tables near the bar. Zach downed the last of his third beer, the warmth spreading all the way to his fingertips now. 

The waitress, dressed in a too tight top stopped at their table. “Can I get you another?” she asked Zach. 

“Yes. And I’ll have what he’s having,” Nathan answered for him. Zach smiled softly, nodding in agreement as he turned his eyes toward the game, ignoring the butterflies building in his stomach and the floating feeling in his head. He reminded himself that this was all due to the alcohol. He hadn’t had more than two beers in a very long time.

The beginning of the game was easy. Nathan had a litany of opinions and Zach opted to just agree. He didn’t keep track of football anymore—not really. Halftime arrived with the game tied at zero apiece. Nathan seemed slightly annoyed, but Zach was enjoying listening to him talk about football. It was different—it reminded him of some of his times in college. He used to love football more for the talk than the game itself—some of his friends were so deeply invested and passionate. Nathan had more than his fair share of football opinions, but Zach found himself wanting to hear all of them as their knees bumped under the table, occasionally resting against each other. Zach was feeling pretty good and the winning smile that Nathan was feeding him was soothing any uneasiness.

Zach rubbed his hand across his face. He was five beers in now and more than feeling it. He was lightheaded, warm all over, and he was certain, more than a little red in the face. Nathan looked at Zach properly for the first time in an hour and chuckled. “How are you feeling?” Nathan asked.

“Feeling just fine,” Zach answered. Zach felt the heavy weight of Nathan’s hand on his knee. The warmth radiating from his hand was nice. Zach’s head got a little fuzzier and he momentarily dropped his head against Nathan’s shoulder. Nathan squeezed Zach’s knee, sliding his hand up just an inch above Zach’s knee. Zach’s stomach lurched at the contact. Nathan didn’t move his hand and Zach felt his heart racing. He didn’t know how, but somehow the alcohol was making everything clear and blurry as hell all at once. He needed to get out. Now. “Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom,” Zach blurted out, rushing from his bar stool towards the bathroom.  As he walked across the room, he knew that his statement was more than factual and he practically ran to the bathroom. 

Zach gathered his breath as he washed his hands. Zach was still confused. Was Nathan into him? He really couldn’t tell. It had never been this hard before—it was obvious with Frankie, their attraction practically radiating off of each other within a few hours of meeting each other. Nathan was confusing. Zach had liked it at first, but that excitement was waning and he wasn’t sure what to do other than finish the game.

Zach emerged from the bathroom, practically running into Nathan who seemed to be waiting for him. “Hi,” Zach managed to murmur before Nathan pulled Zach over to the corner he was leaning against. Nathan’s hand was on Zach’s waist and Zach didn’t entirely mind the feeling that was coursing through his veins. Nathan was incredibly attractive and Zach wouldn’t deny that he checked off just about every box on his list with those dark pooling eyes, clearly taut muscles, and silky dark hair that he wanted to touch more than he should. Zach glanced up to see the game on again. The bar was packed now. The table he’d occupied before was taken and the roar of the fans was growing, drowning out any intelligible conversation as the Giants were driving to the end zone.

Nathan’s hand was loosely pressed against Zach’s back. Zach glanced over at him. Nathan wasn’t watching the game anymore. “Do you want to come over to my place?” Nathan asked, his voice low against Zach’s ear. Nathan’s lips brushed against the sensitive skin below Zach’s ear, warm and wet. 

Zach had to leave now. When he turned to face Nathan again, he found himself within an inch of Nathan’s face. Zach didn’t have time to open his mouth before he felt Nathan’s lips on his own. Zach’s focus shifted into place in an instant. He pushed himself away. “No. I have to go. I have to go home,” Zach stated, rushing from the bar despite Nathan’s protests. The cold air on the sidewalk hit Zach square in the face as he moved quickly through the streets. He couldn’t go home. He turned toward central park, allowing the cold to numb his ungloved hands and wind-whipped face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I'm basically the worst at updating and I don't have any excuses that are good enough to explain this long wait. But, I haven't abandoned the fic, so I guess there's that.
> 
> Also, hang in there with me. I know. Sorry! But for real, if you read this, I thank you, profusely.


End file.
